Lately, it feels like there is too much fighting for my time. It’s not all bad, a lot of it is fun stuff and I just wish I had more time to really sink my teeth in to everything. However, I know I really am quite spoilt right now to not have to worry about work sucking up all the hours in my day, and to be able to dabble in so many hobbies. Sometimes though, with the additions of being a parent and also being a wife (ie. Treasurer, Doctor, Taxi, Events Organiser, Administration Assistant, Chef, Cleaner, Gardener, etc.), I feel like every moment of my day, someone or something is depending on me. A lot of the time I love that, but at other times, it can get draining. Sometimes, you just want to be answerable only to yourself for a while. I know that will come, eventually, one day.
I had a bout of depression and insomnia a couple of weeks ago, with the two of them feeding off each other. I seemed to only be getting between 4-6 hours of sleep each night, and regardless of how tired I was, I couldn’t get to sleep easily. There were middle of the night breakdowns, frustration and impatience during the day, and arguments galore. I was feeling like a failure as a parent, as a wife, and in myself. It happens from time to time, but once I’m in a logical state of mind again, I can see how it all boils down to the quality (or lack of quality) of my sleep. I’m feeling a bit better now, and trying to get back into a positive mindset, but I’m still not getting anywhere near enough sleep. That’s partly my fault due to staying up too late. When you’re “on the job” from 6am until 9.30pm every day, all you want at the end of it is time to veg out and do whatever it is that YOU want to do! But, 9.30 is a pretty late time to just be beginning “me” time, and before I know it, it’s 11pm and I’m still not ready for bed. The sleeping issue is also partly due to being woken up through the night at least once. Little R has just started waking up during the night again after sleeping through for quite a while, plus we started night-time toilet training with Moose just recently. So, sleep-throughs have become more rare lately.
I’ve got a couple of “special projects” going on at the moment. The first is NaNoWriMo, which of course you know all about, right? This is the third year I’ve participated, and I’m yet to win. I’m not holding my breath that that will happen this year either. I had a cracking start on Day 1, it was so good I had to tweet about it!
But I’m now 6,000 words behind, and with a wedding to attend this weekend it’s not looking likely that I’ll be able to make up for lost time. I keep thinking “That’s it, it’s over, just give up now and don’t waste any more time on it”. But then I think “Just do what you can, and then try to smash it in the last week or so to get to the end!” I don’t know what I want to do, and I don’t know why I keep attempting this year after year! I think I am just a competitive person, and the fact that there is this thing out there that I can’t master, it really eats away at me. I can’t stand that! I must conquer it!
My other project is that I’ve started on Michelle Bridge’s 12WBT program. Now this project I’m happy with my progress on! I’m doing the “Post-Baby” program, and my aim is not to lose weight so much but to increase my tone, flexibility, strength and overall fitness. I also wanted to pick up some new exercise techniques, and healthy recipes along the way. Going in to the program, I knew that I wouldn’t be playing along strictly on the nutrition side of it. That might seem like I’m therefore wasting my time, but I think we eat reasonably well anyway, plus I like my food way too much to make any drastic changes to what I eat. Our two main issues with nutrition are that a lot of our dinner meals are very “carb-y”, and that Big R and I will have sweet treats at night on most nights after the kids have gone to bed. So even though I’m not taking on board the breakfast and lunch suggestions from 12WBT (because for breakfast I just can’t do fruit/muesli-type fare, I’m always starving and so I can’t do without my toast and coffee, and the lunches just because I don’t have time to whip up a homemade meal from scratch in the middle of the day), I’m replacing a lot of our usual dinners with 12WBT dinners. I’m also making an effort to forgo the nightly sweet treat more often. On the exercise front though, I haven’t missed a workout yet! 6 days a week and going strong! I love exercise and I’m really enjoying being challenged and doing new things (as my old routine was beginning to be just that – old). I’m feeling good, sore a lot of the time, but that’s ok. I’m one of those strange people who actually likes that feeling!
Speaking of exercise, I have another new obsession thanks to Veggie Mama – the Yoga With Adriene channel on YouTube! Adriene has so much variety in her videos, regardless of whether you’re an absolute beginner and just want to go through the common poses in detail, or if you’re feeling sore in a particular area and want to stretch it out, or if you’re a yoga regular and are looking for a new routine. She’s very clear and easy to follow, and I love that she isn’t a stickler for holding the perfect form, she allows you flexibility (ha! Geddit?) to move around in the postures to find what feels right for you at the time. As someone who has been practising yoga for years, I’m finding this to be the best philosophy for reaping the most benefits from the exercise. While we’re talking yoga, check out the other recommendation in Veggie Mama’s post that I’ve linked to above – the Cosmic Kids Yoga YouTube channel. I was trying to encourage Moose to watch an episode and do the yoga each week but she wasn’t as keen as I thought she would be. But never mind about her, I think this channel is fantastic! The stories are engaging, the backdrops are colourful, and the yoga is integrated in to the storyline so discreetly the kids will hardly even realise they’re exercising! This would be great for kids between 2-6 years of age, and a fun activity for parents and kids to do together.
Combined with all this exercise and yoga, I’m making more of an effort to practice mindfulness- trying to catch myself in moments, to stop the internal chatter and pay attention to what’s happening right now. It’s not only about enjoying this time while I’m at home with the kids, but it’s something I want to learn and continue with so I can better enjoy their whole childhood too and our years as a young family, as well as to help me see the goodness in my own everyday. It’s about it being a practice for life.
And the kids? Well, Moose seems to be discreetly growing up from right under me, little by little each day. I can see it in the way she talks and in her expanding vocabulary, as well as in her facial expressions. Little R is growing up too of course, but his growth is more obvious. He’s now rolling around on the floor at lighting speed, from back to front, and occasionally from front to back. He’s also well on his way to saying his first word. Here’s a little preview of what he’s sounding out right now, can you guess what the first word might be?-
“Mmm, mmaa, mmaammaa”
*grins proudly with glee*
So, what’s up with you lately? Are you doing NaNoWriMo?